Depressionism
by Fictional Reality
Summary: A follow on from my previous story The Five Stages. Set several weeks after Gibbs has left and Abby is having a seriously bad reaction to his absence.


This story is pretty self explanitory but I consider it a follow on from my story _The five stages_ which you can read by looking at my profile. I don't own any of the characters I'm only obsessed with them :D Hope you love this as much as I do. **R&R **if you get time xoxo**

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**Aftershock**

Abby's normal skipping, cart wheeling, Caff-Pow! sculling self was nowhere in sight. She did not show up to work until after midday, she drank tea and refused caffeine (because it reminded her of him), she walked slowly and she did not smile when she was alone. The only words emerging from her mouth were words of reassurance to those around her and those of denial at her worsening condition. At first Tony found her grief acceptable and even understandable, Duckie worried each time he saw the empty look in her eyes and McGee stared at her from the doorway of her lab wondering whether or not Abby Sciuto would ever emerge from the sad veil hanging over her. Once, Tony entered the bullpen early on a Monday morning to find her curled up under Gibbs' (Now his) empty desk asleep and disheveled. She had been there all weekend according to the janitors. It was in that moment that he realized that Abby needed help to dig herself out of this hole. Even after Kate's death Abby had used work to deal with her feelings of guilt and sorrow. But in this case it was not so much that Gibbs had retired indefinitely. But rather that Abby had no idea where he was or if she would ever see him again. It was **how** he left which made all the difference. She had blamed herself for every part of his leaving.

The single kiss on her cheek replayed over and over in her head every minute since he had left. She tried to interpret his every movement, what his eyes were saying, his finger on her lips and most importantly the silence. And no matter how much she thought it through she could not bring herself to forgive him for that. She would not forgive him.

Abby sat at her lab desk forced to think about Jethro's absence due to the lack of work. The lab was silent, no death metal crackled to life in the background. She was alone without him. Her Friday nights lay empty and she sometimes found herself sitting on his front steps, the lights in the house always off. Her tear stained face propped up on hands which pulled her fringe back, her elbows resting on tucked up knees. Black mascara making trails down her white pressed powdered skin. Black lace whipped and flew about in the wind of the afternoon.

If Tony could see her breaking into Gibbs' quiet basement to drink his whiskey and fall into a troubled slumber on his unfinished boat then he would see how she sad and lonely she really was. Then he would have had real reason to worry. Despite how she hated him for leaving her with nothing but a kiss and the anger she felt because she didn't know where he was or if she would ever see him again she could not help but miss him until there was nothing but an empty blackness in the pit of her stomach. A feeling which tore at her mind and made her scream when she was home and the clock said it was early and the darkness seemed to close in on her and she knew that she had no one to call, no one to lean on, no one she could trust or count on.

Duckie tiptoed into her lab on Friday afternoon with the purpose of asking her to dinner, in order to take her mind off things. He hurried over to the body slumped against the lit fridge. And brushing the hair out of her face he saw the sunken eyes, black circles, and sickly look about her. Her eyes fluttered open in response to his touch, holding her head up and checking her pulse. She would have cringed at his despair had she not been so tired. His shock initially kept him from saying a word but as he lifted her gently to her feet and allowed her to rest on his shoulders he murmured, "My dear, I am so sorry. So so sorry that we haven't done enough for you." And in that instance she felt more guilt then she ever had in her life. She had hurt Duckie, the sweetest friend she had. And she had been so selfish to not think of him in all of this. She stumbled along beside him searching for the words. But her eyes rolled back and she tripped over her own feet. It was the same guilt she had felt when she had not been there when Gibbs woke up, or when he remembered. It had been Ziva and not her who had helped him. She was meant to be there with him, but it had hurt her that he did not know who she was. Duckie picked up her legs in one foul swoop and carried her down to his own lab where he lay her on the cold table and called for Tony to get down there and drop whatever the hell he was doing.

"By the looks of it, I'd say the poor girl hasn't been eating for several days. She's severely dehydrated, and she's skin and bones." "I can't believe I didn't pick up on this. I should have done something sooner." "Is she gonna be okay doctor?" "Perhaps we should get her to a hospital." The four voices floated above her but with the comment from Ziva she slammed open her eyes and sat up straight. "No hospitals! I hate hospitals." She croaked, her throat dry. They all looked over her in concern. She pleaded with Duckie, "Please Duckie! I'm afraid of them." she whispered the last part.

They eventually left her alone. And she slept.

They sat around the wooden table at Tony's house, drinks in hands and low music playing in the background. "We cannot let this continue." Said Ziva, Tony held back his surprise. He looked intently into her eyes, "Any ideas?" they sat in silence for a moment. "First we have to make sure she's eating everyday. Even if it's something small." Duckie said, "And she should never be left alone." He added. "Who knows how else she's been punishing herself over this. The poor dear" He said in a low voice. "Why don't we get Gibbs to help?" McGee piped up. They all looked at him stony faced. "What?!" he threw up his hands. "He's the only one that can make this better. He's the only one that can reassure her." "Perhaps the young man has a point." Duckie said. "What, you really think he'll come up here just for this?" Tony said. Nobody dignified the question with an answer.

They took shifts staying with Abby and on this particular occasion Tony was with her. He entered the front door of her house without knocking and tapped Duckie lightly on the shoulder. Duckie woke with a startle and they both smiled at each other, "Well, it would seem that it's time for me to be in bed. Goodnight Tony." He looked over his shoulder sadly for a moment. "Goodnight Abigail!" he called before placing his coat over one arm, his hat on his head and tipping it in Tony's direction as he left. Tony was not surprised by the décor more like overwhelmed each time he entered the house. He was taking the nightshift (because he did his best work at night). He dropped his sports bag onto the chair Duckie had occupied and strolled through the house to find Abby. She lay on the floor staring at the material flowing and covering the ceiling. Some dark music played in the corner softly. Tony held back a smile that there was music again. She propped up on her elbows and raised herself to sitting position. "Change of shifts is it?" she stood and ran a hand over her coffin (at the base of her bed). "I feel like I'm on suicide watch." Tony didn't say anything. "I'm making a snack and I brought some classics to watch." He paused, "They're horror." He said temptingly and waited. Her eyes lit for a moment at the thought and for a moment he saw her straighten, her eyes wide, a smile and a glow about her face. But then it was gone. She knew he'd pester her if she didn't watch them with him. "Okay." She wandered out into the lounge and curled up on the cushions as Tony made popcorn and put the video in the VCR. Tony slid onto the sofa and wrapped her in his arms. "There's plenty of room on the other chairs if you want space." She said and immediately regretted it with the look of hurt on his face. She put her hand on his leg. "I'm sorry Tony." She whispered and leaned on him, her legs tucked into her and one hand on his chest as they settled to watch the movie.

The movie brought a smile to her face more then once and Tony watched her with delight, laughing with her at the corny bits. It was early in the morning, and Tony's eyes stung with the need to sleep. But Abby was wide-awake. So he put another movie in. But he soon drifted to sleep. Abby watched his eyelids fall into place and she crawled out of his grasp. The movie still playing in the background she tiptoed to her room and threw a lace shawl over her nightgown. Then she slid open her window and jumped down on the ground below, running into the night.

Tony woke up with a start, the movie had ended and white noise shattered the calm feeling he had had. He noticed immediately she was not next to him. He glanced up at the clock and realized that the movie had only just ended, but he had been asleep for some time. He practically ran through the house in search of her, even sneaking a peek inside her coffin before the panic set in. He threw his jacket on and whipped out his mobile, calling McGee first to tell the others and to get down to her house to search for her. He hung up. Stood in the middle of the lounge when an idea slammed into him. He swung the front door open and threw it shut, running down the driveway and hopping into his car.

Abby let her hand fall on Gibbs' kitchen table, bringing memories of laughter, orange juice and burnt toast in the kitchen with him. Silent tears rolled down her face. She knew they were all just trying to help her but seeing them reminded her of what she was missing. There was an empty space. She let sadness wash over her in waves as she ventured through the house, touching his bed lightly with the tips of her fingers, running her hand along chairs and walls. As always she ended up in his basement. Drinking the sawdust filled air like it was oxygen. The whiskey was getting low, and she took a swig. She carried the bottle with her to the sidewall where she sat and leant, drinking the rest of the bottle. She resisted the urge to throw the bottle at the boat. She closed her eyes and remembered all the times she had spent with Gibbs in the house all of the movies they had watched all they had drunk all the smiles and laughs and words the silence and the peace that always seemed to lay over her when she was there.

Tony knew she would be there. He pulled up outside the house and parked as quickly as humanly possible. He saw the open window and so slipped through it. Running quietly down the stairs to the basement. And there on the floor she lay sleeping, bottle of whiskey empty beside her having rolled out of her reach. Seeing her in this way brought a wave of anger over him. This was Gibbs' fault; he should have known Abby would react his way. He knew her better then anyone, he was her best friend. Gibbs had abandoned her, and now he realized how much she must be hurting because of the way he left and the way he acted beforehand. She had not been able to be there when he woke or when he remembered and when he had he had not spent time to say hello or that he was alright there was nothing personal. And when he left there were no explanations for his departure, no words for her. Nothing special at all. And now it all seemed so clear and he knew he had to find Gibbs.

Abby's head pounded, 'that whiskey had a kick.' She thought. She was finally tired. She stumbled up the stairs to his bed and lay above the sheets and blankets and she fell asleep with his smell near her.

Tony stayed in the shadows and watched her sway her way to his bedroom and fall onto the bed. He was glad she was safe but he now spent his time trying to find Gibbs. And he did.

Tony knew there were no telephones in Gibbs' new house so he decided that a more direct approach was necessary. So he called in a favour and got a helicopter organized for Duckie to go. He explained how he had found Abby and the anger in his voice was not missed by Duckie. And Duckie soon caught it too. He was soon on the helicopter thinking of Abby and everything that had happened to her in the weeks following Gibbs' departure, making himself more and more heated.

The helicopter blades woke Gibbs long before they landed on his doorstep. And he was out of bed standing in the doorway watching it land. Duckie hopped down and stormed towards Gibbs. Taking him by surprise. "Poor Abigail is killing herself because of you. Not eating, sleeping at NCIS, breaking into your house in the middle of the night and getting drunk, not sleeping at all! We had to take shifts to make sure she wasn't going to try anything." He waved his hands about pointing at Jethro. His voice leveled, "This is your mess, you have to come back and clean it up. You left the poor girl alone! She thinks the world of you and you left her with a kiss and nothing else. Can you even imagine the guilt she felt at not being there when you woke up, or not being the one to help you remember?" There were no buts about it. Gibbs said nothing he just turned round and disappeared into the house. "Now listen here Jethro! Don't you walk away from me, this is very important..." Duckie followed him into the house but was stopped by a cold look from Gibbs. When Gibbs returned he had a bag packed and he walked past Duckie and got into the helicopter. Duckie followed.

Tony stood in the doorway and watched her sleep; she would not get away from him again. It was cold and he saw goose bumps on her legs so, pulling a blanket from the hall cupboard, he gently laid it over her and stood back as she snuggled into it. He heard a key in the front door and reached for his gun, his fingers brushing it ready to pull it from its resting place. He peered down the hall and relaxed his hand. Gibbs and Duckie came through. He brought a finger to his lips. "She's sleeping. She doesn't know I'm here." He glared at Gibbs "You're supposed to know her better then anyone of us. And you left her with nothing!" his voice rose higher. Gibbs still said nothing. He pushed past him and looked down into the basement. "She's on your bed." Tony said coldly. Duckie stood by the door quietly but the anger was evident in his eyes. He had explained to Jethro every detail since he had been gone. Gibbs turned to face them, he opened his mouth as if to speak and then promptly closed it. His face was not angry, more confused and sad then anything else. Tony immediately felt bad for saying what he had.

Gibbs sat on the bed beside her, brushing the hair out of her face. Her eyes opened and the shock on her face looked like she had seen a ghost. She pulled back from him and her head spun, making her feel sick. "Gibbs?!" she whispered. First she was shocked then happy but all that dissipated quickly after she remember how she really felt. She pulled back and nearly fell off the bed. Gibbs hadn't expected this reaction. She stood small and pale in the moonlight and he looked at her sadly as if he didn't know how to make it better. He hung his head. "I'm sorry Abby. I didn't stop to think of how this would affect you. I thought...I thought that you knew I would come back to you." "You left me alone." He looked up. His eyes soft and sad at how skinny and sick she looked. There were dark circles under her eyes and her hair was loose and trailed about her shoulders. There was no smile anywhere near her normally pleasant face. And as he closed his eyes he remembered the night he had left and the face that had looked back at him, red and tired, tears threatening to spill over. She had been waiting for him to come and hug her, tell it was all over. She had not slept, waiting for him to wake and he had scared her by not remembering. She had been the second to the hospital and would have been the first had it not been for the traffic. And she had been the most worried. And he had left her. He had abandoned her. He went over to her and she almost cringed when he reached out. "I'm so sorry Abbs. What can I do to make it up to you?" He looked sadder then she had ever seen him. And she jumped at him her arms squeezed around his neck her legs wrapped around his middle knocking him backwards. And she clung to him for a long time. "Tell me you'll never leave me again." She sobbed. "Never."

He sat on the planks of wood holding the boat upright. He looked up on the shelf above his workbench in search of the old dusty bottle that normally stood there. But it was gone; it lay empty on the table below it. His heart jumped in his chest at the thought of her alone in his basement drowning his sorrows. But on the shelf in its place stood another bottle. Full and unopened. And around the neck of the bottle was a note. He smiled before he read it, because the whiskey was the exact brand and age his other had been. It must have been difficult to track down, and expensive. He read the note: _Gibbs, someone's been into your whiskey… So I got you a cleaner bottle Abby xoxo_


End file.
